Kiss OFF !

I hope you know this will go down on your permit record! You kinda woke me up this morning , but it's fine because it was your voice I woke up with . I wish I could really wake up next to you, but that's another story. Today I am feeling the vibe, a really good mood has swept over me. I hear from what you are trying to get across that being sad and such isn't very attractive, so I am trying something different. I know that the choice you made is the right one, things will get better in time, and you will feel a great relieve of stress gone when it's all said and done. It's hard to make decisions like that, and your such a nice person you are always thinking of everyone else around you. You need to do this for you, and you will find that in time things will be dramatically better.  I love you kiddo and we are all working here, maybe when things slow down a bit we can get together and share a thing or two ~ <3

Your Ghost Still Lingers

Sometimes I wake up and roll over and I can feel you next to me. It's weird I came across a girl today working at Urban Outfitters who smelled like you . Smiled slightly and thought about how you might sleep with my shirt on. I'd like to think that one day we will share the same bed again. I miss the warmth of our bed, tangled in the sheets, I could have slept all day with you in that bed. Windows open in the summer time, while the neighbors listened to us make love. These are memories I cherish, memories that gets me by in hard times. Things are looking up, today I lead another meeting and I had a lot of insight with my share.  I came to the conclusion that as we work independently, if we want it bad enough things will work out. I believe in my heart and how strong it strives for you. For you to ask me can I see my self just being with you for the rest of my life, I chuckled at that question. Of course are you crazy? I don't think you are but, if you didn't get the memo .... I love you and only you, Kiddo !

Overdue

I had a good talking to last night by the love of my life. It's time to pick up the boot straps and get going on this thing called life. It's so easy for an outside influence to tell you how things should be, but when your in a rut what do you do ? It's hard to break free from certain traits sometimes, it's hard enough to feel the pain of love sober. Sometimes I feel like if we could just work together maybe things wouldn't be so hard. I mean I hear your lonely, and you hear I am lonely, it seems simple right? But I see the scar tissue hasn't began to heal. So I am going to do my best to put a hop in my step today and this day forward. It's hard when all I want to do is hold you tightly and embrace your smell, taste and joy in my life. I've loved you for so long, and nothing can change this place called home in my heart you have managed to make. I love you dearly and think of you every second of my day. I want us to be one again, and these things take time. <3

Thankful For Your Love

Today we reflect on things we are thankful for, shouldn't we do this everyday ? I do for the most part it's part of my daily routine. I wake up thinking of you and how thankful I have had the pleasure of being by your side. I think of all the things we have done together, where we have been, what we saw, when we were together. I am so very thankful for that, I feel like we could do so much more together, but only time will tell. I am thankful for our love , and how you showed me how to live my life . Your the greatest gift anyone could ever have. I love you and enjoy your day , wish I could be there love .

Everything I Once Had....

Today has been one of those in between sleep and awake days for me . Can't seem to get my self together lately. I just want to scream , just to let out some feeling would be nice. I need someone to give me some sort of feeling, I have been pretty lonely and I need some human contact badly. I feel as if nothing really makes sense lately. I am hurt and bruised with many indications of fight  I am slowly losing. I am not happy with where this is going, But really what choice do I have? My words never make it pass those barricades you have place before me. This solider is fallen...........

The Telephone Started Ringing ...Ringing...Ringing....Ringing Off...

I have spent the last couple days thinking about the life of mine and how short we are actually here for. I mean what is the point unless you have someone to share it with. I think about this a lot, seeing how I am trying to mend a broken heart, I sometimes feel like we are wasting time, precious time. All I want to say is that this life we are given is short and I wouldn't want anything more than to spend my every waking second by your side. I know you have a lot of obstacles as you put it to work out, why not let me help you with them? why not allow the feels your heart tells you to ring true. I don't have a problem with my reality construct, as you know my heart is true and honest. It simply needs to be said that I can't bare not loving you the rest of my life. I know you gave me a chance to prove my self to you, and things didn't go as planned. But I have come to the conclusion that everything happens for a reason. I needed to become who I am today so I can be a happy man. I miss you terribly and want nothing more than to wake hand and hand with you until the day I die. Listen to your heart, listen to reason, listen to the butterflies that raise you off your feet when I am near. I love you so very much and I will never give up on this, I will never give up on us. And you are a part of me, you are my home and I am your home. Come back home !

Up With The Sun Rise And Down When The Works Been Done...

I woke up fairly early today like 6:00 am couldn't sleep at all last night, still haven't been to bed it feels. So I woke up this morning and surfed the inter web for some new music. I came across a very lovely singer named Gia Margaret who has covered some really great songs. I came across her cover of Pedro The Lion's The Longer I Lay Here. If  get a chance check out her website http://giamargaret.com/. she was nice enough to send me a copy of her songs, so I have been listening to them all this morning, being put in a good mood first thing this morning was a great way to start the day. She sounds similar to Inara George in my opinion and that's always a plus. So I am putting up two of her songs because I really enjoyed both of them. Cleaning house today, then work till close again. It was nice to hear from you last night, in this month of being thankful, I found my self being very thankful for having a beautiful kind hearted soul like you in my life. Like I said I don't know where I would be without you in my life <3

I Knew You Knew I Liked You...

Today I was in a car thinking of a band and couldn't remember the name of them until it hit me slowly. The Faint miss these guys a lot. A kind of mix between electro and pop, we can call it snyth pop. Anyway I used to really like these guys back in high school. I remember I dated this girl who loved them, and she actually got me into them. Today started off painful, as of yesterday I got some ink at a Tattoo convention, so I am a little sore. I am in a better mood than I have been in , which is always a better sign. I went to a Skinny puppy show, where the guitarist of the faint played a solo gig, it was electro metal and he was so good. I had a chance to meet him after his set, really nice guy and respectful. When I hear these guys I can only think about my friend Morganne and how we used to dance to them at parties together. Anyway life can only go one way from here, and I like that feeling . Today is a good day.

Like I Give Fuck ....

Yeah I said it in the most loving way, of course I am talking about !!! or Chk Chk Chk take it as you like. When ever I hear these guys I am transported back to high school and dancing with my friend Anthony. These guys sure know how to get me in a good mood and get me dancing like it's the old days. I can't say I take ecstasy still and party like I used too, but I can dance like I am . Think high amounts meth and trance music that is played through musical instruments and you have !!!. I think this is exactly what I needed as far as music goes to put me in a better mood. So I thank you for making that possible. Can you feel it intensify ?

Somthing's Will End

I have listening to a lot of music lately that just makes me kinda sad at the end of the day. I really wish I could just find a happy medium something that isn't about things that remind me of certain situations. But really I would say most songs deal with that four letter word we know so well. I have been listening to a lot of Elliot Smith lately, as we all know he has a very depressing story. To stab your self in the heart, to end your life because you didn't want to feel anymore? I always thought that was a bold move on his part, to think he must have felt every living moment before his life gave out. Anyway Elliot Smith's self titled CD has always been a favorite of mine, even though most the songs a sad and melancholy, I still enjoy his story played over my speakers. Things are getting better, I think at least that's what I keep telling my self . I have had alot going on lately and really know one to talk to about it. I feel as if I am in the state between two points and I can't reach my destination. Hopefully I wrote down the directions somewhere. This isn't a cry for help at any measure, I have just felt like I am in a stand still these last couples weeks .

Your Song Lingers On

Today was a very strange day, let me break it down for you. Woke up and got to work a little early so I sat and had a smoke, and there it was. Inara George playing over head, I thought to myself come on really? Why is it that she still lingers where ever I go. So I was a little freaked out by that . I went on my lunch break at 10 today , and someone had left a book sitting on the counter that dealt with love and astronomical signs. I opened it and I found myself on a page that said Gemini and Pisces , I was a little taken back. I spent the rest of my lunch reading up on our signs, pretty interesting stuff. Anyway I don't have a song to go along with today subject, I just had a really strange day. So anyway I will pick a dashboard confessional song, because I am feeling sentimental today.

Is Love An Infection Or Is It A Sick Addiction ?

This is a lyric from today's song, by Rx Bandits . I have always liked this song because it makes you think if we can actually be addicted to love and if so is too much a bad thing. I don't particularly think that it is a bad thing, I think the feel that is incorporated with love is very good actually. I know love releases endorphins and that's a kind of high but, never to the levels of drugs. I have been battling these feels of love for awhile now, apparently it's not time for that in my life right now, so I choose to accept that. But it doesn't change the way I actually feel, I am very distrout and have been thinking of her for days now, can't sleep and it's hard to do much of anything else. Can't help it, I am a hopeless romantic and have too much love to give. Anyway maybe you can help me out by letting me know what you think, disease or addiction ?

Pick Up Your Feet....

Hey guess what it's been awhile, I have been super busy moving into this new house and life has just been a complete fucking mess lately. I have seriously one of the hardest months of my life not only with the move but other things not to be mentioned at this time, but anyway... today is a great day ... and why might you ask? It's six months sober and the first day I have felt happy in a couple weeks so yeah for that. Score one for the team. I have been listening to lots of angry get up and kill music lately, so I wont bore you with that. But I did find a gem the other day by the name of Cryptex. A 17yr old fucking genius in my book, do you like glitch music as much as me ? Well I didn't think so, this kid has got a very talented gift by combining Glitch and really great dance together. Something I my self have been working on for a very long time and I am 24. That is neither here nor there, the point is this guy has a gift and you should check him out. Good to be sober , and deal with life on life's terms today, no longer do I run to a bottle when things go south.