Every time I hear this song, from the first chord played I begin to cry. I always think of you when I hear this song. Leaving L.A. I played this song as traffic began to move, and half way through it I had to pull my car over because the tears wouldn't stop flowing. Lately I feel like I am just not winning here, and how fucked is that, I am not even playing a game. I ve recognized that no matter how much I want things to work out, people aren't always going to be how I'd like them to be. It seems like the question on every ones mind is it better to forgive or forget? Do you know how hard it is to forgive your self, for inflicting or damaging what could have been the best thing going for you ? Or to wake up with that sense of lost, because your partner is no longer with you. I can't undo time or the outcome of any situation or relationship. I can only change myself and my attitude toward others. I feel like my words aren't being shown. All I wanted was to a life where our love could grow and be happy, to love you until we grew old together. But I fucked up, like most things in my life. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, because I am trying my hardest to let you know I am growing, I am changing , I am becoming the man I was intended to be.It's hard when I don't have something solid I can hold on to. I just needed to say these things because I feel tongue tied when we speak. Please hear me out, I want things to work out between us, I will travel to the end of time for you, and I promise I can wait as long as that takes. <3
Whenever I think about all of the shitty things i have done in my life, my reflection turns into a dark place. I am trying very hard to undo certain aspects of my self, to better myself and others. Up until this point in my life, things were dark and dismal. I couldn't see the light if i wanted to. Making my amends , and being able reflect on my mistakes has been such a blessing. Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself. This statement has been very helpful in my journey thus far. It's hard to forgive someone when all you can think about is the pain they inflicted upon you. But that space you have created in your head and heart only gets worse in time. I have noticed that if i let things go too long with out an apology or an open mind to forgive, i am not only hurting those people in my life, i am also hurting myself. If I could turn back time, and save myself from myself trust me i would. Just keep in mind that those grudges you hold so close, one day they will be holding you !
You may be out of sight, but never out of my mind. I have been collecting little sayings that remind me that love is still a thing to fight for. I am sure of one thing, that being in love is worth all its ups and downs. We have all had our ups and downs in relationships, but if the heart is sure , it usually is. It's a constant battle between the head and the heart, but should it be? i can't say i have that problem. when i am sure of my love, i am committed to that person with everything i have. I sometimes feel like my message doesn't get through, i sometimes have trouble getting the right words out. But when it comes to love, and how i feel about you, i don't have a problem, letting you know that you make this whole love concept worth while. I love you with every ounce of my being, and i will never stop loving you. life without you in it , seems lifeless and not beautiful. To think that one person can change the way you look at life and love for the rest of your life is a strange thought, but when i think of how you have changed my life and how you have made it so much more enjoyable, i just smile. So ill take this time to smile and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Welcome change, welcome the thought of how things can be different if you let them. When I decided to change my out look and position on life, i did so kicking and screaming. When i finally realized that I must change or else, that's when things got a lot better. honesty is the cornerstone of trust, when i began trusting myself I could finally be honest with myself. Not knowing that i could be happy if i just let myself in on my self . Confused much ? yeah me too... any way I always felt like I didn't deserve to be happy, but now i Know i deserve it. Everyone deserves to find that certain thing that makes them Happy, whether it is a person or hobby or life it's self. I have become extremely sensitive over the past months, getting in touch with feelings that have been buried fro years. I am grateful to actually be able to express these feelings when the time is present. I don't know where I am going with this, just felt like ranting for a second. Things have been really good lately , and I must say if you want it badly enough , you will be surprised to see the outcome of your wishes.
On the way home I rolled down the windows as I hit the 405, with a lump in my throat and tears forming slowly but surely it really hit me. I missed you, and i wasn't but maybe 15mins away from you. I think it is safe to say, these last two days have been a roller coaster ride to say the least. The mixed emotions, presents being unwrapped, hearts flutter and fill until it seems they might burst. I felt all these things this week, and i wouldn't take any of them back. The short time we spent together was wonderful in every aspect, confusing as it is I know that our love still lingers and is still alive. When the time is right we will find our place again. I have thought intensely about our options, and I am just going to let this take its course. I love you with every ounce of my soul, and when your near I feel as if my feet will be lifted off the ground. The lump in my throat has subsided and I feel comfortable in the thought that you know I care for you very strongly. Your love will always live within me, and I hope your heart has a special place for my love. I will forever be grateful to have you in my life.
About seven months ago, I was in a horrible place. Stuck on the couch with depression and very unhappy with the life I was living . I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I was really hopeless, In my mind I had lost everything that really mattered to me. Kelly had left and I had to face myself for the first time in a very long time. See I had become something I told myself I would never become, but unfortunately it caught up with me and I had to face the facts. I can tell you today is a different story entirely, I have found a new purpose for myself. For the first time in my life I feel alive, everything is a new experience and I enjoy every second of my day. When I was in that depressive state, I remember listening to this band everyday it seemed. I could really identify with the lead singers lyrics. So for what it's worth , these guys really helped me out when things seemed to be at there worse. Anyone who is in the down in outs, trust me if you find that certain something that can make you happy, run with it and never let it go. It took me along time to see what I was doing to myself and others, and I can say now things have gotten a 100% better. I am just grateful to be alive today and that's enough for me.
Protect Me. I feel like we were once french lovers in a former live, you got hurt and I lied and we both lived in apathy for along time until our souls met once again in a different world far from here. I think about that quiet a bit actually, that we knew each other from another life. Our souls have been trying for years to be together, but something always seems to be in the way. I want to move that blockade from your heart, and travel to the end of time to hold you close to me once more . I know you think that we were nothing but a lie, but underneath all those lies, there was always something that was real. I thought about what you said to me. You said you don't know who I am, but I know now. I know who I am. I am not a drunk, i am not a liar, all of those are dead. Now all that's left is the man that loves you.
