On the way home I rolled down the windows as I hit the 405, with a lump in my throat and tears forming slowly but surely it really hit me. I missed you, and i wasn't but maybe 15mins away from you. I think it is safe to say, these last two days have been a roller coaster ride to say the least. The mixed emotions, presents being unwrapped, hearts flutter and fill until it seems they might burst. I felt all these things this week, and i wouldn't take any of them back. The short time we spent together was wonderful in every aspect, confusing as it is I know that our love still lingers and is still alive. When the time is right we will find our place again. I have thought intensely about our options, and I am just going to let this take its course. I love you with every ounce of my soul, and when your near I feel as if my feet will be lifted off the ground. The lump in my throat has subsided and I feel comfortable in the thought that you know I care for you very strongly. Your love will always live within me, and I hope your heart has a special place for my love. I will forever be grateful to have you in my life.
About seven months ago, I was in a horrible place. Stuck on the couch with depression and very unhappy with the life I was living . I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I was really hopeless, In my mind I had lost everything that really mattered to me. Kelly had left and I had to face myself for the first time in a very long time. See I had become something I told myself I would never become, but unfortunately it caught up with me and I had to face the facts. I can tell you today is a different story entirely, I have found a new purpose for myself. For the first time in my life I feel alive, everything is a new experience and I enjoy every second of my day. When I was in that depressive state, I remember listening to this band everyday it seemed. I could really identify with the lead singers lyrics. So for what it's worth , these guys really helped me out when things seemed to be at there worse. Anyone who is in the down in outs, trust me if you find that certain something that can make you happy, run with it and never let it go. It took me along time to see what I was doing to myself and others, and I can say now things have gotten a 100% better. I am just grateful to be alive today and that's enough for me.
Protect Me. I feel like we were once french lovers in a former live, you got hurt and I lied and we both lived in apathy for along time until our souls met once again in a different world far from here. I think about that quiet a bit actually, that we knew each other from another life. Our souls have been trying for years to be together, but something always seems to be in the way. I want to move that blockade from your heart, and travel to the end of time to hold you close to me once more . I know you think that we were nothing but a lie, but underneath all those lies, there was always something that was real. I thought about what you said to me. You said you don't know who I am, but I know now. I know who I am. I am not a drunk, i am not a liar, all of those are dead. Now all that's left is the man that loves you.
Wow, today couldn't get any better. feeling a sense of love I haven't felt in years. The love of being alive today and grateful of every step I take in life. Woke up with a skip in my step today, due to the fact I had a great time last night at the David Bazan show. He truly is an amazing man, and has really helped me out in my recovery thus. I thought about you at the concert, thinking to myself how much you would have enjoyed it. Seeing other couples embracing each other while he played was a beautiful thing to see. I just wish I had your near to do the same.my heart aches some days when I can't have that feeling of being close to you, truly your warmth and love is missed. I just wanted to say that these things are still in reach in my eyes, it's just that first step that is scary. Today was a great day and things are getting better everyday, just needed to say that out loud.
For the longest time I have been a reckless individual, weather it was with your love or our plans the next day, one thing always came between you and I. I think about this constantly, the pain and torment I must have put you through, and for what to numb my heart and soul from feeling every inch of your embrace. My heart is full this time, and I am not hiding from my self anymore. I have caused too much pain and anguish over this issue of mine. I have always taken the easy way out my whole life. I try not to follow through with my life goals, even though I know I am very capable of them, and I want to see them through it's just this wall in front of me I can't see past. I have laid this all to rest, I am almost seven months sober, and I have put together plans to finish my schooling. I don't want to be that guy anymore who treats others like a door mat, I want to be liked once more in your eyes. I want to be seen as the person I was intended to be. I am trying my very hardest not to push or pull at your strings, I already feel like I am lost in this tangled web I have wove. I want to make peace between us, and find some stability in our lives.Our love has been lost in the rough and I can see this tearing you apart at times. I can do as I see fit here, and grow and hope you see some change in me someday. I wish things were different , but at the same time this needed to happen for me to understand exactly what I was doing to you and my self. Try and understand my intentions for us are as pure as can be, I really miss my best friend.
I woke this morning with a jump in this step of mine. As i made my way to the heated wall where the sun had been beating down all day, i listened to the bee's swarm the flowers as they made love with them. i realized that when i think this journey might be over, it has just begun. it takes some of us longer to get to our destination, this you might want to take into consideration. So as i am building these bridges to your heart, take into consideration this construction doesn't go up over night. I will work long hours until the night, so i may further my progress to you. This life is beautiful and so lovely, lets share it together hand in hand. These are things i build my bridge for, and I feel home isn't as far as you think .
I don't know how you feel, I never will know the extent of what I did to you, i hurt you very badly, this I know. I can't change the past , i don't want to forget the past, nor wish the shut the door on it, I must keep it ajar ed to remind me where I must never go again. Things are changing daily, and my views on how this might work someday are Strong. The thing is I think very fondly of you and I, I am willing to work on us. I love you and it's hard not to feel the way I do about you. What I am offering you is a living amends, to better not only my life but both of ours. Love is hard weather it is agreed upon or not. I never wanted to to the things I did, it's hard to see through all of my smoke. I hear you when ever we talk, I see the pain in your eyes. I have to life with the things I have done, I can only move forward on at this point. Look in side your self and ask yourself can we fix this ? I will be here for you when ever you need me , through thick and thin , I will always be here for you. I love you and simply can't just give up on you. On a lighter note I found this song today it reminded me of you. <3
I love with feeling of security and serenity , sometimes I wish i could just bottle it up and send it your way! I have done a lot of growing in the last couple months, I sometime catch my self in the mirror not knowing the man in front of me. It's a scary concept to think of creating a new person, throwing out all of your old ideas and traits so you may better your life and the lives of others. You never realize the damage you cause until your fully ready to commit your self over. I am in the process of damage control at the moment, and like many who have came before me, I know I have a long way to go. This new journey I have embarked on doesn't have a destination, it's a never ending road to a life of happiness. I like road trips , and I have just packed my car and I am looking for a passenger! I'd like to think that one day we will be able to travel the world together sharing the intense beauty of this world. I know your gyps soul can't sit still, and my love for you will follow you where ever you choose to be. Taking this process one day at a time is key, and as words are spoken over time, our hearts grow stronger everyday. <3
Today was another day in the pits of the daily routine. I found my self gazing into the sun as it set today, only to find out you were doing the same. It's nice to have a certain someone in your life to allow you to appreciate the smaller things that life gives you. I find my situation as it stands now with being sober has led to believe anything is possible. How bad do you want it ? Do you want it? How long will it take? Those things aren't as important as what is happening right in front of you. Does it scare you when your heart gets in the way? I can only tell you that things change, people change and situations get better if you let them. Time is only a foot in the grave in my opinion, I also have No right to say that. I can say how ever I am forever grateful to have what I have today. I really like the place I am right now, and I hope it only gets better from here on. Be present and remember when you think you have had enough and you can't handle it , breathe and she will open your eyes.
